Mr & Mrs R ♥ | Modern Mummy

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Mr & Mrs R ♥


Why a marriage and a wedding are two different things
The other day I heard the nicest thing.
'I don't really mind about the wedding,' said a friend announcing her engagement.  'It's just a nice day to me.  All I really want is to be his wife.'
WOW.  There it was.  The simplicity of marriage.  The actual reason.  Beyond the venue, the flowers, the invitations.  The dress.
'Oh hang on.  I didn't say anything about the dress.  I'm going to rock a frock.'
I don't remember being so gracious when I got engaged.  Within 24 hours of having that ring on my finger, we had picked a date, changed the date and I had asked my bridesmaids (only to 'unask' them later).  I had drunk a lot of champagne.  And I was over excited.
In all honesty, I didn't really think about what getting married actually meant.  You can get a bit hung up on the wedding.  And in many ways these two words don't even belong in the same sentence.  My friend is right.  A wedding is just a nice day.  A marriage might be as many as 15,000 days.  If you're lucky.  And not all of them will be nice.
We planned our wedding in five short months.  We had a beautiful winter wedding at Stoke Park with black tie and a vintage feel.  I was organised and had a clear vision of how I wanted it to be.  Aside from finding my dress in a dreadful shop called Maid in Heaven a week before I had an appointment with Vera Wang, things ran pretty much to plan.
My husband was in charge of two things.  The wedding car and sourcing the ale.  It is fair to say they were the only two things he got truly excited about.  He booked a royal blue Ford model T dragster, which didn't exactly fit in with the black and ivory colour scheme, and had such a low roof I could barely breathe in my corseted dress.  Oh and Doom Bar ale.  Good job I'm not superstitious.
And although I hadn't given the prospect of marriage much thought, on the morning of our wedding day I felt a calmness.  There were no doubts.  No wobbles. No second thoughts.  Just a readiness.  And the day was perfect.  In fact, I have only one regret and that is not asking them to put the rest of the uneaten buffet in our suite for post-partying munching.
The marriage, of course, is not perfect.
Six years in and two children later my experience is very different from that of the naive 29 year old who walked down the aisle.  Marriage feels far more real now than it did back then when I was distracted by ranunculus and table plans.  We have had joys and struggles, desperate moments and unparalleled pleasures.  There are days where we love each other and days where the pressures of life make us want to run for the hills.  In opposite directions.
But mostly we grow together more than we grow apart.
And we both believe in for better, for worse.
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